Things I learned this Christmas:

1. Religion can be found at the barbecue cart on the corner of Longview and High. Best BBQ I've had outside of Alabama. Go there. Immediately. (As long as it's Thursday--Sunday.)
2. Kumquat liqueur is good in mimosas.
3. Christmas should not be celebrated without alcohol. Let's be honest; holidays are a fantastic excuse to drink in the middle of the day and not be judged. Take advantage of it.
4. Julie and Julia is actually a really good movie.
5. A two person Christmas really sucks. After you get done walking the dogs, opening presents, eating, watching a movie, eating again, and staring at each other for a while, it's still only two o'clock.
6. A new door for my house does, in fact, make a good Christmas present.
7. You will get no less than 5 "Merry Christmas" mass texts, at least one of which will say "Merry CHRISTmas," just in case you forgot... A couple of the texts will come from people you don't even have programmed into your phone. But, a couple of them will make you smile.
8. I will not spend another Christmas at my mom's house unless one of the following happens: she gets cable or wireless internet.

UPDATE: 9. My mom and I can get along in the same house for approximately 36 hours. No more.

You didn't really play that whole conversation out in your head first, did you?

M: So, my brother went on a first date with this girl and things went well, and he's pretty sure there's going to be a second date.
Me: Ok...that's good.
M: And her birthday is Wednesday, so he wants to do something for her, like send her flowers or something, but roses wouldn't be a good idea, right?
Me: Yeah, that might be a little too much too soon.
M: So, what should he do?
Me: Uhm...well, definitely not carnations either.
M: Why?
Me: Because they're cheap. And girls know it.
M: Girls are dumb.
Me: Do you realize you just called to ask if your brother could get a girl flowers after they've gone on one date and we've been dating for six months and I've never gotten flowers.
M: We're about to go into a tunnel, with an elevator, in a dead spot...
Me: *sigh*

Happy Holidays!

In one of my top 10 feel good moments of the year, when I asked my boyfriend how he wanted to handle our Christmas (this is our first one as a couple and we won't actually be together on Christmas), he suggested we adopt a family from the Salvation Army and buy them Christmas presents instead.  If you know me, you know that suggesting something like this is one sure way to make my heart melt into a gooey ball of happiness.  Which it promptly did.

We spent the majority of the day this past Sunday shopping for bikes and remote control trucks (two of the things the boys put on their wish lists) and with the help of some sort of early Christmas miracle, we made it through six hours of shopping among throngs of other holiday shoppers without disagreeing about ANYTHING. 

So today we had our Christmas, which means during lunch, I picked him up at his office and we drove all our gifts downtown and dropped them off at the Salvation Army.  It was possibly the most romantic thing I've ever done with anyone.

I lost 100 pounds on a diet of nothing but tofurkey

I love am profoundly creeped out by how smart the internet is.  Like, how someone tracks your facebook status and when you have the dreaded "Stephanie is no longer listed as in a relationship" (complete with the really sad little broken heart icon) change, you start getting ads for dating services on the side.  Without a mourning period.

Or like when I tweated once about the crying baby in Target being an amazing form of birth control, I suddently have all these weird Mommyblog followers, one of which was called Thelaughingbaby.  And let me tell you, using a head shot of a laughing baby as your profile pic is not creepy.  Not at all.

Or like how I have ads on the side of my blog for drain cleaners because I posted two things about having a clogged drain.  Because you know what else was in that blog?  A lot about how I ALMOST KILLED MY MOTHER.  Maybe an ad for some sort of counseling service would be more appropriate?

It makes me want to say random crap just to see who will follow me or what kind of ads I can get to pop up.  Like hair plugs. Natural male enhancement. Marshmallow peeps.

Work it

So let's have a little conversation about how I'm not supposed to post things about my boyfriend on my blog (or twitter, or facebook...).  Is this fair of him to ask this? Absolutely. This should not be the forum for me to air out our issues.  The world does not need to hear about it (ha! see how I just implied that *so* many people read my blog and follow me on twitter).  But, if not here, where? Should there be a place? Do people still keep diaries?  I mean seriously, I can't imagine..."Dear Diary, Today I had got into a stupid fight with my boyfriend..."  Ack! I don't know...I adore him, I'm gushy right now, even though we had a long "discussion" that started out as an almost-argument, but ended in a really great conversation. I understand now, that because we are coming into this with some really different life experiences, this relationship might to take a litte more work up front for both of us.  But this one, well, it's worth it.

I think there's some sort of karmic imbalance in my life

Tuesday was not what you would call a highlight for my mom and me in the "Wonderful Moments in Our Relationship" reel (see here).  In addition to that gem, we had several other equally non-productive conversations about my clogged shower drain.  After about three hours of pouring Draino down the drain, taking apart multiple pieces of plumbing, putting the plumbing back together, testing it, taking it apart again, snaking, snaking, snaking, snaking, and more snaking, still with no luck, I collapsed on the couch in a ball of frustration and was whining to my boyfriend over the phone.  And then I heard a knock at my door.  I was literally in the next room, but I clearly did not answer the door quickly enough.

"Hellooooo?"  Her head popped around the corner.

"Crap, it's my mom, I'll call you back."

"How's it going?  Did you fix it?"  I just stared at her.  "Still clogged, huh?"  Again, just staring.  "It sounds like it might be tree roots."

"Oh my God, Mom!"

I suppose she took that as her cue to stop talking about my drain.  Which, on the one hand was good, but she apparently missed the cue to just LEAVE, and spent the next five minutes making small talk about many, many, many things that I don't care anything about until the voice in my head screaming "OH MY GOD I DON'T CARE WHAT KIND OF DOG YOUR CO-WORKER IS ADOPTING" became so deafening that I couldn't hear anything else.  I guess my lack of interest made her mad because she kind of just stormed out.  Maybe I said those things out loud.  Who knows.

But when she offered to meet the plumber at my house yesterday so I didn't have to leave work early, I felt pretty guilty for being, well, a bitch, and I made sure to thank her profusely and made a mental note to maybe try a little harder to be nice in the future.  Until I actually got home.  Yes, my drain was completely unclogged.  Yay for showering again!  But, this was the first thing I saw when I walked in the door.

My dogs are REALLY bad about getting into the trash, so I keep it in the basement and keep the door shut.  Also?  I keep my bathroom door shut FOR THE SAME REASON.  But, that one was open too.  This is what was in my bedroom:

I went to bed at 9:00; I was seriously done with yesterday.

Let's just say it's a good thing I don't own a gun

Me: I have a clog in my shower drain.
Mom: It's probably tree roots.  You're going to have to call someone.
Me: But I haven't even tried Draino yet.
Mom: DON'T USE DRAINO!
Me: ????
Mom: If you use Draino, a plumber won't even touch your plumbing...it's too caustic.
Me: ????
Mom: It's probably tree roots, you should call someone.
Me: *sigh* I have to go.
Mom: Ok, well let me know if you need a number for someone to get the tree roots out.

I just got a "why don't you like me any more" email from my 64 year old mother

Every now and then, I have a girl moment (see here).  And I *might* have a tendency to over-think things just a bit.  I kind of assumed this was something that I would eventually get over.  But perhaps not...

This morning I had an email from my mom, who I saw yesterday from a distance while I was letting my dogs run around on our family property.  She was out working in the field, helping an archaeologist survey some Hopewell mounds (this story could get complicated really quickly), so I waved and didn't bother to walk out there, thinking my dogs would just be in the way.  When I left, I waved again.  No big deal, right?  We live literally a mile and a half from each other and see each other all the time.

The email started: "Late last night, while I was wondering why you didn't come out into the field to say hi yesterday..."  What?  Late last night?  As in, you were losing sleep over this?  And you didn't just call to ask me?  And this was the first thing on your mind again this morning?

I guess I know who to blame the next time I want to go postal on my boyfriend for forgetting to call me back.

Nature v. Nurture

I have spent much of my adult life trying not to be girly.  I hate that girls swoon, and get emotional over stupid shit, and are ultra insecure when it comes to guys.  I want to be above that, partially because if guys aren't that way, why should we be? and partially because it just seems like a total waste of energy.

But, you know what happens?  I play the hardass for a long time--everything rolls off my shoulders; I'm one of the guys.  Until one day (lets say for arguments sake that might have been yesterday), I'm super stressed, and all the little things seem to go wrong all at once and all of a sudden I'm inconsolable.  It's like a therapy cry from a bad 80's movie; I'm sobbing on the couch, watching Gray's Anatomy, and wondering what went wrong.

And suddenly, my boyfriend, who was told (by yours truly) that he was dating a rational human being, is thrown for a roller coaster-size loop.  This was not exactly how I envisioned our first fight.  That sounds weird--who envisions their first fight, right?  But, I just didn't think it would happen with me all emo.  I'm pretty sure just dealing with an argument is hard enough, but then he has this girl who, up to this point, has been relatively level headed, but is now on the other end of the phone crying, I mean, seriously crying, and he can't figure out exactly why.  And honestly?  I'm not entirely sure either.

On the upside, I feel so much better after a really good cry.

Really? Is there a "Congratulations You Won the Lottery So Let Me Buy You Presents" Day, too?

Boss's day is tomorrow. I'm totally ok with Secretary's Administrative Assistants Day because generally, people who keep the office running are under appreciated and deserve some recognition. But Boss's Day? I'm pretty sure they make at least twice what I do, so I don't really feel like throwing them a big party and buying them a present.  And, when is Peon Day?  Last time I checked, no one has gotten me a card and a present for the work I do.

Anyway, we're having a potluck tomorrow morning for our bosses and, it's "totally voluntary" but in that we-know-who-you-are-you-non-participators sort of way. (Although, on the upside? Breakfast!)

When did I get old? I just found the recipe for Northstar burgers. I need to get out more. And other nonsequiturs...

I tweaked my back last night. Throwing a softball. And no, that's not some strange euphemism the kids are using these days. I was seriously just throwing a softball and now I'm having a hard time standing up straight. Also, when did it become absolutely impossible to stay out until almost midnight and still function at a decent level the next day? I mean, I wasn't even drinking, I was just playing a game (in the balmy 40 degree Ohio October weather). Clearly, someone, somewhere is playing a trick on me. Fine, I get it. Now please give me my 20's back.

In other news, I found a recipe on Tastespotting today for what is supposed to replicate the Northstar burger. If you live in Columbus and haven't been to Northstar, you've clearly been living under a rock. And if you've been there and haven't had their veggie burger, well, I just feel sorry for you. After you look at the recipe but before you say anything about how much you hate beets, let me just head you off at the pass. I do too. They are awful. I think I would have a better experience licking the ground than eating a beet. But somehow, in these veggie burgers, they not only transform into something edible, they become magical. I don't know--maybe the secret ingredient is crack. But honestly? I don't really care. They are that good.

Which brings me to my next point: I need to get out more. Why? Because I've just spent an ENITRE blog post talking about how I'm getting old and how much I love veggie burgers made out of beets. Do I need to say anything else?

Pack me in bubble wrap and call it a day...

My boyfriend likes to make fun of me because he says I'm the clumsiest athletic person he's ever met. He tells it like this:

Our friends told him they wanted to introduce him to someone who was in the local triathlon group with them, so he assumed that I at least had some measure of athleticism. We met, we hit it off, and on our first date we decided to go bowling. And I killed him. I mean it. I had the best bowling games of my life. Here's proof.

So he assumes that he's clearly made the correct judgment, although his ego is a little bruised. And then we hang out a little more and he begins to see that I can barely walk down the street, let alone up or down stairs without tripping. For awhile, I disagreed with him, and told him that I couldn't really be that clumsy, but then I started to add up all the injuries from the summer and I had to admit--he might be right.

Recent issues include:

When I hit myself in the head with the cork screw while trying to open a bottle of wine at the beginning of summer (I was sober). I probably should have gotten stitches.


There's the MANY times I've ripped open my knee from sliding during softball this summer (although I don't really think that's being clumsy...).

Then, about three weeks ago, I stupidly tried to take a turn too late on my bike, thinking I could make it. I didn't. Instead I got this:


And, most recently, while running on Sunday night, I tripped on a piece of sidewalk that was crooked and poorly lit and got this:

So, now when I go to a wedding this Friday in a nice dress, with my hair done, I'll have a scar healing on my forehead, a bright pink, barely-rid-of-the-scab scar on my forearm, and scabs on both knees. If I was a kid, I'm pretty sure my parents would be at the police station for questioning right now.

This might have been the best summer ever

I spent a large portion of May and half of June this year dreading the big 3-0. I don't normally get hung up on things like that, especially since it's wholly out of my control but, for some reason, this one hit me a little harder than I expected.

And then I blinked. And it was October.

I was driving to work this morning wondering, as I do every year, where the summer went. And I started to think about everything that happened and all of a sudden it hit me: this was an AMAZING summer. I mean it--AMAZING. I packed more into this summer than possibly the last three.

And suddenly turning 30 doesn't matter.

I think to get fired for blogging about my job, I'd have to be more important

Or reveal some sort of deep, dart secret about the textbook industry. You know, like how we use child labor to bind our books. How Hill, formerly the other half of McGraw-Hill is buried in the catacombs at 1 Penn Plaza. Or, how we cut down rainforests to make paper. Wait, that last one might be true, I don't actually know.

Anyway, I think I'm safe.

GOOD GOD I HATE MY JOB!

Thanks internet, I feel much better.

It's like crack, only legal

Dear Person Who Invented Coffee,

I love you. I want to bear your children which is saying a lot since I've never said that to anyone. Ever.

Also, I'd like to know what possessed you to roast those little brown beans, grind them up, put them in hot water, and then drink them. Did you wait around wondering if you had just poisoned yourself?

If you could get back to me ASAP, that would be great, especially on the whole "bearing your children" thing. I'd really like to get moving on that. Thanks.

Stephanie

Perspective

I'm so freaking geeked about Pelotonia this weekend! I've been really frustrated with training and feeling burnt out and not having enough time to do anything that I want to do, and I think this is exactly what I need. This is all about perspective.

The energy that you can feel when you get in the middle of a crowd of people, all brought together by the same cause is always amazing, and I don't expect this to be any different. Pelotonia will raise over 4.5 MILLION dollars, all of that going directly to the James Cancer Hospital at Ohio State.

I've never been able to fully articulate why this is all so important to me. I was pretty young when my dad passed away, even younger when he was sick, so I didn't experience his sickness and death in the same way I would have as an adult, the way my mother did. I miss him more now than I did when I was younger because I now see all the things I want to share with him. In fourteen short years, he gave me a lifetime of aspirations, skills, and a the ability to look at the world with a critical eye and compassionate heart. I'm riding for him and I'm riding for me. These experiences help me remember who he was and what he gave me. He was a truly amazing person.

Shit my dogs ate because I'm too lazy to put stuff away

(in the last couple of weeks)...underwear, lots of underwear. I know, I know, get a hamper, right? Wrong. They can open it. I now have to keep my dirty laundry in ANOTHER ROOM. Socks. Shorts (well, just the crotch, so I suppose I could wear them as a skirt now.) Condoms (seriously, seriously, seriously gross). (Sorry mom! At least I'm being safe. And for the record, these were in the trash in the bathroom--they opened the can.) A loaf of bread. Flour. Powerdered Sugar. Brown Sugar (I've been doing a lot of baking, don't judge). The garbage that I forgot to put out. Tampons (again, GROSS!). And, because they were apparently feeling a little unhealthy from all the other crap, some lettuce. Show of hands...who wants to be me?

Things you can't have too much of:

Garlic...given an ample surplus, even if you scare away your date, you won't have vampires. Plus, one word: pesto.
Onion...I've heard that there are people who cook without garlic and onions. I'm very suspicious of these people.
Sushi. Enough. Said.
Salt...I mean, I guess if you added salt to concentrated soup, it might be a little over the top, but in my world, salt is one of the best things ever.

Things people claim you can't have to much of, but, really, you can:
Sex...I mean, come on...sometimes there just isn't enough lube in the world.
Money...have you seen Donald Trump's hair? There has to be a connection. Or, at least that's what I tell myself to make myself feel better.
Ice Cream...hello? Ice cream headaches.

Weird

So, Sara, Ryan, Martin, and I are at Dirty Franks (seriously, if you live in Columbus and haven't been there, you MUST go) a couple of weeks ago and Ryan asks me what the weirdest thing I've learned about Martin so far is. So, I sat there for a minute, and actually couldn't really come up with anything (contrary to what he thinks, he's actually pretty normal...or, he seems normal to me, which could be a completely different thing...).

I still haven't come up with anything good, but that started a whole conversation about what each of our "weird things" are. Ryan definitely takes the cake, although I won't tell you what his is even though it's f-ing HILARIOUS...but now every time there is a lull in conversation with any of my other friends, I want to ask...what's your weird thing?

So, what is it? And, if you can think of something, what's mine?

Where's my feng shui?

I get on a roll posting blogs sometimes and I think "this is it! I'm finally a blogger! I've found my voice!" But, then some time passes and I don't blog, and I don't blog, and I don't blog. And I find myself in the same position as I was several months before when I felt like I didn't have anything interesting to say.

Things are good for me right now. Really good. It's been a beautiful summer, I've had some moderate success at a few local triathlons, I've made some really great new friends, I have someone in my life, my family, for the most part, is healthy. There is very little I can complain about. But through all this, I have done a horrible job at finding balance in my life.

I honestly don't know how other people do it. Yes, I train a lot, but I know people who train A LOT more. I haven't gotten anything done on my house; I feel like it's a struggle just to get the lawn mowed. And part of it is that I'm trying to maintain some sort of social life, but if I don't, I think I'll go crazy. I mean, I always said I wouldn't do triathlon at the expense of everything else in my life and I think I'm reaching that tipping point and I haven't quite figured out how to keep it from careening one way or the other. And then, there's this little voice in the back of my head that keeps reminding me that I'm not doing enough for other people. Training, at its core, is a really selfish thing, and the more time I spend doing it, the more I start to feel a little guilty about it. But I don't want to quit (well, sometimes I want to quit like today when I'm going on like 5 hours of sleep, but that's another story entirely...) and so after I finish my race in September, I going to have to sit down and figure out where to go next with this, how to find the balance I really want, and then make a plan on how I'm going to get there.

I mean seriously...

...do NOT under any circumstances think that girls want to go out with you because you throw up fake gang signs.

TOSRV

210 miles later and I'm all in one piece. I had a blast! We had beautiful weather, a little windy, but it could have been much worse, and honestly, I feel pretty decent right now, all things considered. I'm so glad I decided to ride both days (thanks to John Martin for telling me to put my big girl pants on). Sometimes you just need to test your body's limits and this was just the right test.

I felt great on day one and on day two I felt pretty good for about 75 miles. The last 30 were a little rough, but I never felt like I wasn't going to make it--I just needed to go a little slower. We really hit some of the stretches hard, especially on day one, and it was so much fun. I'll definitely do it again next year!

On the whole dating thing...

My close friends and I, since we were in high school, have been what I call compulsive monogamists. On the surface, this doesn't sound like such a bad thing, right? Monogamy is good. Yes, monogamy is good. But, what we never really learned to do is date. So, I decided that I need to learn and like everything I do, I dove in head first, joined some dating websites, told everyone I know that I was looking, etc., etc. I've read articles about making the best online profile, tried different ways to narrow my search, talked to guys that I had less in common with than I thought was necessary for good conversation.

And, I feel lucky that no dates have been disastrous yet. I've talked to a lot of really nice people, had some pretty boring dates, but had some really great ones. Obviously, nothing has stuck, or I wouldn't be rambling on about this, I'd be gushing about how lucky I am to have found someone. But, I'm learning A LOT, not just about what I want in a mate, but about myself. I have forced myself to relinquish a little bit of control and just go with the flow. And you know what? I'm MUCH happier.

I'm a little overwhelmed with how busy I am some days, and it's hard to fit in time to go out on dates, but I'm living so much of my life right now, and things are fantastic. And I know that eventually, the right guy will come along, whether its online or elsewhere, and hopefully, we'll be overwhelmed and busy and ecstatic about living life together.

In other news...tomorrow is TOSRV. I'm excited and nervous all at the same time. More on that later (assuming I make it back to c-bus in one piece).

Well I hope so, too!

I was having a heated debate with a co-worker today, one in which I apparently misunderstood the point he was trying to make. We were arguing over something that I thought was central to his argument, which was only a minor point. But instead of being level headed about it, he blows up, accuses me of always wanting to be right and always wanting to have the last word, and as the argument digressed, he finally looked at me and said "I really hope you can find someone that can deal with you." First, how about a big fuck you for thinking that because I have an opinion, I have to be dealt with, and second, I hope I find someone that can deal with a woman who has an opinion and a brain and isn't afraid to show it. And I stupidly thought we were in the 21st century.

please excuse my unsophisticated rant

Wake up! Wake up and realize that you have so much more than most people in this world. Do you have a job that you hate? Maybe, but 8% (and growing) of the people in this country would trade places with you. Do you have a roof over your head? Do you have indoor plumbing? Because the majority of the people on this planet don't. Are you upset because you might have to pay more for trash services? Well, maybe you should just be happy you have them because the many people don't even have the option of having basic sanitation services. WE ARE SO LUCKY! Now, do something about it! No, seriously, if we all just did one little thing, the world would be a much better place.

Online dating sucks

There is nothing more damaging to your ego than to put your profile on a dating service and not get any responses from ANY of the people you are interested in.

Look--I know I'm not the easiest person to get along with sometimes, but they don't even know that yet. And, I know I'm not a super model, but COME ON PEOPLE, I don't think I'm completely ugly, either. Arg! If I can't get a response from a normal guy on a site where I've carefully chosen my words and pictures, what does that say about my chances anywhere?!?!?!?

This is the stuff that should be covered...

From National Journal Magazine (http://www.nationaljournal.com/njmagazine/cg_20090307_7659.php)

"We will lose on legislation. But we will win the message war every day, and every week, until November 2010," said Rep. Patrick McHenry, R-N.C., an outspoken conservative who has participated on the GOP message teams. "Our goal is to bring down approval numbers for [Speaker Nancy] Pelosi and for House Democrats. That will take repetition. This is a marathon, not a sprint."

Really? How about making it your goal to FIX THE ECONOMY?

Give Prop 8 the boot

You can watch the Prop 8 legal challenge oral arguments live here from 9-12 (PST) today (Thursday March 5). I'm not sure if I will watch them live or not, because I can't tell if both sides will be arguing and I'm not sure I can can refrain from yelling at the people in favor of upholding the ruling, and since I'll be at work, it might not be appropriate. Maybe there will be a pod cast...

Message from the squawk box

Among the many infuriating things that Limbaugh did and said during his keynote speech at CPAC, he thought it important to let everyone know what conservatives really stand for. And, I'm not a conservative, but I'm not convinced he did a bang-up job representing his party. On the surface, he makes it sound like there is no biased toward any groups, that conservatives (based on his definition) love everyone:

"When we look out over the United States of America, when we are anywhere, when we see a group of people, such as this or anywhere, we see Americans. We see human beings. We don't see groups. We don't see victims. We don't see people we want to exploit. What we see -- what we see is potential. We do not look out across the country and see the average American, the person that makes this country work. We do not see that person with contempt. We don't think that person doesn't have what it takes. We believe that person can be the best he or she wants to be if certain things are just removed from their path like onerous taxes, regulations and too much government."
--http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2009/03/01/transcript-rush-limbaughs-address-cpac/ (emphasis mine)

But there is a very dangerous message in those words. The idea that the "average American" has not yet attained the best he or she can be, implies that they are somehow inferior. This is the very reason we have such strong class divides, the very reason that rates for smoking, drinking, and drug abuse rise as income decreases; we are telling the average worker, "Joe the Plumber," if you will, that what he does isn't good enough, that they haven't attained all they can.

Chris Buttars...championing the "spiritual and moral framework" of our government one idiotic comment at a time

Chris Buttars, a member of the Utah State Senate, (a glowing beacon of a red state, so maybe I shouldn't be so surprised) has gotten press lately for his defense of marriage comments. What gets me is this is his statement defending himself on his website:

“Despite the recent venom directed at him for defending traditional values, Senator Buttars will never abandon the framework of spiritual and moral values upon which our government was founded. Senator Buttars will continue to stand against the very aggressive special interest groups whose mission is to eliminate all traditional and moral values from government.” (http://www.chrisbuttars.com/home/issues)

This complete and blatant disregard for separation of church and state baffles me. How can an elected official actually say that our government was founded on spiritual and moral values? I want to find this man and do horrible, horrible things to him. Oh, and for the record, we are on the brink of giving Utah one more seat in the House (http://www.sltrib.com/ci_11793280).

Mourning

We are going to sell the family property in Dublin that has been in my family for almost 200 years. I've known this was coming for some time; as a family we have been negotiating with the City of Dublin to turn the property into a park so that the mounds and the history of the land can be protected. It all seems so hollow to me, though. There is no amount of money, no plaque, no dedication that can begin to account for the life that has been lived on that property. It can't account for the ways that we have been molded and changed into the people and the family we are today. Without question, I am crushed. I don't know how to mourn the loss of a space, when the space is so much more than simply that. I don't know how to get over the loss of the place that has comforted me through the loss of those that are dear to me. I define my sense of place through this land. I define my sense of self through this place. How do you say goodbye to that?

Whew!

President Barack Obama! I feel giddy when I say it! I have to admit that I'm drinking the koolaid a little bit, but not just because of what I think he will do, but because I'm proud to be an American now. I believe that we can begin to make changes that will not only make life better in the short term, but will be the catalyst for lasting, broad-reaching change. I'm proud that Obama is our president because he has the power to inspire people to become better citizens. He has the ability to speak our language and to ask us to do our part. Will he disapoint me in policy along the way? Without a doubt. Will he make all the right decisions? Not a chance in hell. But if we can continue to ride the wave of hope and humanity that has energized so many of us, then he will have done his job.