Friday, July 31, 2009

Where's my feng shui?

I get on a roll posting blogs sometimes and I think "this is it! I'm finally a blogger! I've found my voice!" But, then some time passes and I don't blog, and I don't blog, and I don't blog. And I find myself in the same position as I was several months before when I felt like I didn't have anything interesting to say.

Things are good for me right now. Really good. It's been a beautiful summer, I've had some moderate success at a few local triathlons, I've made some really great new friends, I have someone in my life, my family, for the most part, is healthy. There is very little I can complain about. But through all this, I have done a horrible job at finding balance in my life.

I honestly don't know how other people do it. Yes, I train a lot, but I know people who train A LOT more. I haven't gotten anything done on my house; I feel like it's a struggle just to get the lawn mowed. And part of it is that I'm trying to maintain some sort of social life, but if I don't, I think I'll go crazy. I mean, I always said I wouldn't do triathlon at the expense of everything else in my life and I think I'm reaching that tipping point and I haven't quite figured out how to keep it from careening one way or the other. And then, there's this little voice in the back of my head that keeps reminding me that I'm not doing enough for other people. Training, at its core, is a really selfish thing, and the more time I spend doing it, the more I start to feel a little guilty about it. But I don't want to quit (well, sometimes I want to quit like today when I'm going on like 5 hours of sleep, but that's another story entirely...) and so after I finish my race in September, I going to have to sit down and figure out where to go next with this, how to find the balance I really want, and then make a plan on how I'm going to get there.