This might be the first time I've actually wanted to use the tag FLM

Funny story...I was in class tonight (ok, ok, I'm still in class and writing this while I listen to a group presentation) and let's be honest, the only way I make it through class is to play on facebook, twitter, and whatever other random websites I stumble on.  So, I went to Yahoo to check my email and on the homepage was a story about how Hayden Panettiere and Madonna wore the same dress to something recently (the Golden Globes? I have no idea...I don't actually watch that stuff.  I do, however, enjoy a good old fashioned cat fight.).  Plus, I grew up in the '80's and I have a still healthy fascination with Madonna, so you can clearly understand how I *had* to click on the link.  You want to, too, don't you?  Of course you do.  Here it is.

One minor problem--it's a video.  And in one of those "oh shit, I just opened porn at work" moments, I realized the sound on my laptop wasn't muted.  In fact, it was pretty much on full blast.  I desperately tried to close the website, mute the sound, throw my computer out the window.  ANYTHING.  But of course it didn't work.  Instead, the entire class turned around and stared at me and the professor actually stopped the entire lecture until I could manually shut down my laptop.  Awesome.

Where is the restart button?

I just spilled an ENTIRE cup of coffee on my desk. And in some sort of cruel comedy of errors, the only place to get paper towels on the ENTIRE floor in my building is in the bathroom or the pantry where they have installed automatic dispensers (which, by the way, only work about half the time, so the rest of the time, when you leave the bathroom, you have to wipe your hand on your pants, but maybe they only work half the time because people insist on taking an extra paper towel to carry to the bathroom door so they can use it to GRAB THE HANDLE because OMG THE GERMS, THE GERMS, THEY'RE GOING TO KILL US ALL! How I haven't gotten swine flu yet by opening the bathroom door WITH MY BARE HANDS is beyond me) , so the only way to get a volume of paper towels is to stand in front of them and wave your hand, wait for the 6 inches of paper towel to come out, rip it off, then wave your hand again, wait, rip, and repeat LIKE 50 TIMES! And now all I can smell is a really gross mix of cleaning spray and coffee.

Things I learned this Christmas:

1. Religion can be found at the barbecue cart on the corner of Longview and High. Best BBQ I've had outside of Alabama. Go there. Immediately. (As long as it's Thursday--Sunday.)
2. Kumquat liqueur is good in mimosas.
3. Christmas should not be celebrated without alcohol. Let's be honest; holidays are a fantastic excuse to drink in the middle of the day and not be judged. Take advantage of it.
4. Julie and Julia is actually a really good movie.
5. A two person Christmas really sucks. After you get done walking the dogs, opening presents, eating, watching a movie, eating again, and staring at each other for a while, it's still only two o'clock.
6. A new door for my house does, in fact, make a good Christmas present.
7. You will get no less than 5 "Merry Christmas" mass texts, at least one of which will say "Merry CHRISTmas," just in case you forgot... A couple of the texts will come from people you don't even have programmed into your phone. But, a couple of them will make you smile.
8. I will not spend another Christmas at my mom's house unless one of the following happens: she gets cable or wireless internet.

UPDATE: 9. My mom and I can get along in the same house for approximately 36 hours. No more.

You didn't really play that whole conversation out in your head first, did you?

M: So, my brother went on a first date with this girl and things went well, and he's pretty sure there's going to be a second date.
Me: Ok...that's good.
M: And her birthday is Wednesday, so he wants to do something for her, like send her flowers or something, but roses wouldn't be a good idea, right?
Me: Yeah, that might be a little too much too soon.
M: So, what should he do?
Me: Uhm...well, definitely not carnations either.
M: Why?
Me: Because they're cheap. And girls know it.
M: Girls are dumb.
Me: Do you realize you just called to ask if your brother could get a girl flowers after they've gone on one date and we've been dating for six months and I've never gotten flowers.
M: We're about to go into a tunnel, with an elevator, in a dead spot...
Me: *sigh*

Happy Holidays!

In one of my top 10 feel good moments of the year, when I asked my boyfriend how he wanted to handle our Christmas (this is our first one as a couple and we won't actually be together on Christmas), he suggested we adopt a family from the Salvation Army and buy them Christmas presents instead.  If you know me, you know that suggesting something like this is one sure way to make my heart melt into a gooey ball of happiness.  Which it promptly did.

We spent the majority of the day this past Sunday shopping for bikes and remote control trucks (two of the things the boys put on their wish lists) and with the help of some sort of early Christmas miracle, we made it through six hours of shopping among throngs of other holiday shoppers without disagreeing about ANYTHING. 

So today we had our Christmas, which means during lunch, I picked him up at his office and we drove all our gifts downtown and dropped them off at the Salvation Army.  It was possibly the most romantic thing I've ever done with anyone.

I lost 100 pounds on a diet of nothing but tofurkey

I love am profoundly creeped out by how smart the internet is.  Like, how someone tracks your facebook status and when you have the dreaded "Stephanie is no longer listed as in a relationship" (complete with the really sad little broken heart icon) change, you start getting ads for dating services on the side.  Without a mourning period.

Or like when I tweated once about the crying baby in Target being an amazing form of birth control, I suddently have all these weird Mommyblog followers, one of which was called Thelaughingbaby.  And let me tell you, using a head shot of a laughing baby as your profile pic is not creepy.  Not at all.

Or like how I have ads on the side of my blog for drain cleaners because I posted two things about having a clogged drain.  Because you know what else was in that blog?  A lot about how I ALMOST KILLED MY MOTHER.  Maybe an ad for some sort of counseling service would be more appropriate?

It makes me want to say random crap just to see who will follow me or what kind of ads I can get to pop up.  Like hair plugs. Natural male enhancement. Marshmallow peeps.

Work it

So let's have a little conversation about how I'm not supposed to post things about my boyfriend on my blog (or twitter, or facebook...).  Is this fair of him to ask this? Absolutely. This should not be the forum for me to air out our issues.  The world does not need to hear about it (ha! see how I just implied that *so* many people read my blog and follow me on twitter).  But, if not here, where? Should there be a place? Do people still keep diaries?  I mean seriously, I can't imagine..."Dear Diary, Today I had got into a stupid fight with my boyfriend..."  Ack! I don't know...I adore him, I'm gushy right now, even though we had a long "discussion" that started out as an almost-argument, but ended in a really great conversation. I understand now, that because we are coming into this with some really different life experiences, this relationship might to take a litte more work up front for both of us.  But this one, well, it's worth it.